Crumbs, is it coming up to Christmas? People fighting in pubs and throwing up? Jona Lewie's maudlin warble back in the frame? And Friday already? Since recent weeks have seen Twelve Crap Things IT People Say and Slide Two: More Crap Things IT People Say, precedent, logic and the pressing need for website traffic of any variety dictates that it must be time to do closing remarks in this series.

1. I know I'm the one keeping you from drinks, ahem, so on a closing note, let me just say how wonderful it has been to moderate this conference and just to recap... The audience is thinking about a cheeky half before hitting the rush-hour traffic but the unnecessary going over of EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED complete with parenthetical clauses and thanks to the man who taped down the cables means that little dream just exploded.

2. Alpha, beta... It's just software that's not ready yet, so thanks for the generous spirit in which you've given it over to us to test for you at a nominal sum. You could have at least waited until delta or epsilon.

3. Version 8.0. The count is sort of odd: 1.0, 1.2, 2.0, 2.5... 8.0?

4. We're under NDA on this. It's only a firmware refresh of a multi-purpose floppy drive so it's not like you're a character on The Wire or Spooks, is it?

5. Zero-day attacks. A small virus from a teenager in Sofia that made your computers blink is not War of the Worlds.

6. The entry-level edition. The proper one with bits extracted so you'll give up and buy the proper edition.

7. Crowdsourcing. Laziness; contempt for differentiated thinking.

8. No-name, generic, hoki-koki, white-label, clone, OEM, grey market goods. Derogatory: stuff that works just as well but costs a fraction of the price.

9. Kludge. Practical way to get things done. A derogatory term spat out by proprietary vendors.

10. Proprietary vendors. Crap term used thoughtlessly by journalists who have spent far too many years of their precious lives writing about this sort of nonsense.

Have a lovely weekend!