Middlesex University is to begin an MSc course in 'Environmental Management of IT' this September. Nothing wrong with that of course as energy efficiency and demands for green credentials will only become more stringent over the coming months and years. Recently, there's been no shortage of new qualifications that are intended as aiding preparation for the CIO role, but I'm sure we can come up with some better ones with a little bit of thought. So without further ado, pussyfooting around and, god forbid, beating about the bush, here are our Five Really, Really Important Qualifications For Becoming A CIO.

5. Tin Hat Millinery In One Week. Widely available at local arts and tech colleges, this can come in handy when you're being beat up over the next dot-com bust, system meltdown, corrupt outsourcing agreement, or millennial bug (the last of which is some way off, thankfully).

4. BA in Storytelling. The Jackanory College of Dumbdown, Ohio offers this course in creative use of metaphor, simile and mythopoesis so that somebody on the board might actually understand what you're going on about when you talk technology.

3. Style Makeover Diploma. For those struggling to cross the chasm between datacentre and boardroom, fashion guru Gok Wan will help you ditch short-sleeved shirts with epaulets, wedge haircuts, pens in pockets, elbow patches and suits made from man-made fibres. 

2.  MSc Blame Game Theory. Things going wrong? The complex mathematical science of blaming others can help you create your own zero-sum system, making you look good by blaming downwards (appoint CTOs, enterprise architects etc), upwards (point to CEOs and CFOs passim) and even outwards to people who will have no right of reply (arrange offshoring partnerships then speak English very, very quickly and with lots of jargon, slang and idoms).

1. Graduate Certificate in Creative Accounting. It's not easy to improve operations and innovate when your budget has been cut by 30 per cent but the Madoff College in the State of Penitentiary provides a course explaining just how you really can do more with less. Even better, your first $1bn profit is GUARANTEED.