By rights of course, this should have gone up on Friday afternoon when it was written for the traditional end-of-week PM blog nonsense slot but, in the rush to get off, I failed to hit the big red 'Publish' button and here we are. So think of this as a Monday pre-lunch sugar rush and sorry if you suddenly fancy a biscuit after having consumed this article.
Incidentally (1), if you're wondering why there is an article pondering on the subtle art of matching and hatching technology firms with biscuits, you might want to look at If Tech Firm Rock Bands 1.0 and 2.0, as well as extending the long tail by clicking on If Software Firms Were Football Teams and the away-kit version of the same.
Incidentally (2), several readers have kindly contributed their own suggestions for additions to these lists. I'll publish these very soon.
Incidentally (3), thanks to Nick Sutton of Axicom PR (on @nick_sutton on Twitter) for the biscuit suggestion that marks him out form the crowd as a far-sighted visionary, young man in a hurry, and most likely to succeed -- if only in making dentists rich.
So, if tech firms were biscuits...
HP would be a Digestive. Classsic, dependable and never out of fashion or favour. You know what you're getting here: quality, depth and a set of geniuses working behind the scenes. Popular for decades even though the marketing has been questioned in the past and some say that if HP had invented the Digestive, it would have called it 'corn syrup snack with raising agents, oatmeal and, possibly, emulsifier'.
IBM would be a Rich Tea. Continues to split critics. Ancient recipe, still capable of delivering satisfaction to millions although some argue that the product is anodyne and a relic of your Nan's time.
Wordstar would be an Arrowroot. Brand that time forgot after thin product was rejected by rebel class of 1990s.
WordPerfect would be a Penguin. Well-liked in its day and had a solid brand and spec but scorned by much of today's youth.
WorldCom would be a fig roll. Scandal leaves nasty taste in the mouth. Presence only maintained by interia of older generation of consumers.
Fujitsu would be a brandy snap. Exotic and exciting at times but always struggling to have an equal appeal the world over.
Asus would be an Iced Gem. Tiny, very cheap but ultimately unsatisfying to those with a few more pence in their pockets.
Yahoo would be a Jaffa Cake. They've thrown in every ingredient but the flavours can clash and might appeal more to youth than experience.
Microsoft would be an Oreo. Brash Americans with hugley popular product that doesn't always translate into affection outside of Uncle Sam.
BT would be shortbread. Solid, very British product at a fat price reflecting relentless marketing spend. Foreigners often try then leave on the shelf after being puzzled by local appeal.
Sage would be a Kit-Kat. So ubiquitous you hardly notice them but they do a sound job.
Toshiba would be a Cafe Noir. Classic, understated bit of quality.
Packard Bell would be a Coconut Cream. Solid value, not sure about the looks.
Olivetti would be Garibaldi. Italian brand that has always struggled to convince outsiders of appeal of basic components, despite heavy branding and name recognition.
Compaq would be a HobNob. Revolutionary addition to options when arrived in 1980s and still a powerful brand today, despite waves of consolidation in the industry.
Corel would be a Party Ring. Best-known product is bright and colourful to some; gaudy and tastless to others.
Dell would be a Maryland cookie. Solid-value, likeable product from down there in the south somewhere. Impressive volume and good chips in them.
Alta Vista would be a Mint Viscount. Very hot in its day but now a subject fit only for nostagic types.
Advent would be a Wagon Wheel or Jammie Dodger. Appealing to a certain, price-sensitive audience (students, probably).
Sony would be a Huntley & Palmers Chocolate Oliver. Classy product but... HOW MUCH?!!!
Apple would be ... Nobody knows for sure and we're not allowed to tell you anything about it but the speculation is that it uses all new ingredients, is based on a secret recipe, and will change your life.