It's that time of year again, isn't it? This cherry brandy is actually very nice ... well actually I quit smoking 15 years ago but one isn't going to kill me, I suppose ... risque jokes ... Oh, hullo, Denise from accounts. That's a very fetching top if you don't mind me saying so ... that's not what the copier is intended for ... quiet as you put key in lock ... oh, sorry I woke you, darling. Next year you're definitely, definitely not going to do that at the CIO office party but just in case., check out the Top 10 Signs Your Office Party Is Borked.

1. This year's venue: Chiquitas.

2. The only thing you can see on the karaoke system: 'Singalong has encountered an error and needs to close.'

3. The party organising team's invitation letter begins, 'As I'm sure you know, 2009 was a difficult year...'

4. The enterprise architecture group have railed you in for their party act -- Project Full Monty.

5. Your EDS SLA is covered in Warninks Advocaat, the big storage admin has a firm grip on you in the conga line and Cheryl from procurement is dancing... on the mainframe.

6. The CEO's speech is accompanied by PowerPoint slides and a laser pointer.

7. The support rep from your ERP provider has asked for a ticket.

8. Tonight's 'special guest' celebrity speaker... Miss Kerry Katona.

9. Your Secret Santa present has computer company branding on it.

10. The chestnuts roasting by an open fire have been doused by HR "for health and safety reasons".